You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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