i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
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