she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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