your room smells of hookers.
And success
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
