I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
