Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
