Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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