Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize