woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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