I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
