Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
