i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
