Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
