his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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