we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
