While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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