the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
