I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
