My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i think i have herpe
just one?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
