How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
