i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
