She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
