Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize