I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
