Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
