I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
