Small penises have feelings too.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
This toilet bowl is my home.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
