he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
