I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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