thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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