and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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