I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
