Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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