So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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