She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Where is the hickey?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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