What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
