I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
