i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
