Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
