So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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