Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
