I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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