Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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