wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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