oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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