Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
