He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
