You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
