Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
