Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Green mimosas i think yes
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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