"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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