mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
