So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize