member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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