When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
