Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
