apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
