Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
