I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
