What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
