u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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