I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It's just like the Real World with babies
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize