I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
