Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize