Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
my liver is dry heaving
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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