My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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