Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
How does one acquire holy water?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
