At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
